Professor Randy Pausch passed away with the Last Lecture impact to the world. He said “I often see life is a game. It’s all depends how you choose to play it”. At the age of 47, being a dad of 3 young children, he chose to have fun with the days left when doctor said he only had a short time to live.

We often live life as if life is not going to end. We complain we can’t lose weight when we don’t want to exercise more and eat less.  We don’t enjoy our work and don’t want to find another one. We are not satisfied with our relationships and don’t feel like create something new. We love our children and we don’t have time to get into their world. We want to wait until retirement to do things we love to do.  We want to live safely and envy the ones who live life freely.  What if we know we only have 3 months left to live? Will we live life differently? Why won’t we live life as if we don’t have much time left? Now, what’s the first thing you want to do differently?

I went to my friend Alan’s birthday party yesterday. He called it “Celebration for Life” party. Most of his family and friends got together in this beautify place "The Canal" next to Ballard Locks near Seattle. Locks provide a link for boats between the saltwater of the Puget Sound and the fresh water of the  Lake Union and Lake Washington. We tasted great wine and delicious south sea food while chatting, watching the boats passing by in sunset and watching beautiful south-sea dance. Alan just came back from South Sea and loved there. Then, we took turn to share stories about Alan, who usually had walls around him; yet a kind and generous gentleman. While teasing him, we laughed with tears in our eyes. Alan passed away on April 30^th  at the age of 59. We really wished he was there to share the moments with us. I wished I had talked to him more often than I did.  “Celebration of Life” reminded me to be alive, be present with the power of now and enjoy life while my family and friends are around. It also reminded me the tenderness shining through the walls of Alan while we were together. Alan will always be a dear friend.

Last year, I had a profound coaching experience as a client. My coach asked me what I wanted to do and I hadn’t done yet. I named a few coaching business related tasks and then, I shared that I wanted to sell my house and moved closer to my parents’. My dad was recovering from cancer treatment and thought I lived too far for him to visit. My coach reflected back to me – “sounds like you have a lot of passion towards your coaching business. And I also wonder how important it was for you to move since you showed very little energy about it.” I was shocked to hear the reflection. She was right. I didn’t believe that I could organize enough to show my house for sale. I didn’t mean what I said about moving. After the shock, I decided to honor my words. I got my action together and put my house on the market. Three months later, I sold my house and moved closer to my parents. I did what I needed to do to make it happen even there was a lot of work. I am glad I had the coach!

Three years ago, I took an Emotional Intelligence Test (EQ In Action Profile). I was so impressed by what I learned; I went through the training to become an EQ Profile consultant. Since then, I have given many tests and debrief sessions. At the same time, I have been very intentionally developing my own emotional intelligence. I felt I was making good progress by the results showing in my life. I became a stronger leader and had more balance and fun in life.

Yesterday, I retook the test and the data supported my observation of my growth. I am pleased by the result. There are some areas I can use more balance. I was not aware of it. I will keep an eye on those areas now. This test is a great tool to raise self-awareness.  I felt fortunate that I was introduced to the test and I could jump in the learning immediately. It’s an awesome journey. I will continue to use it to develop my clients and myselff. I am also learning how to introduce this test to others so they are willing to take it on and benefit from it.

It’s 6:40am. I was in my pajamas.  I planned to do 10-minute emailing, 10-minute biking, 10-minute walking with the dogs, 20-miniute personal grooming and start a conference call at 7:30.

My 16-yr old suddenly asked  “Mom, could you take me to school?” I replied harshly “no, you didn’t give me enough notice” She said “cool off, I was just asking”. Her reply made me reflect the whole thing.. Yes. She was just making a request, where was my freedom to reject the request with grace?

I realize that I had anxiety over saying NO to my children when I could have accepted their requests.

When I don’t have time to accommodate them, I can say no easily. When I really want to accommodate them and I can do it by stretching myself, I have  hard time to say NO. I often stretch myself  to accommodate or I say NO with anger. Anger was more towards me for not wanting to accommodate. How interesting it came out so negative  towards them when I was upset with myself.

What I want to practice is to say NO gently and lovingly to my children when I choose not to accommodate them.

I got a hammock and shared the news with a friend happily “I always wanted one”. She asked "Where do you put it?” I replied quickly “My patio”. She said with a sorry voice “You have no privacy, then”.  

Guess what? When I lay on the hammock, I feel like I am on the beach. I can see the sky and feel the breeze. Do I care about privacy on the beach? :)

My friend has a subjective truth - when you lay on the hammock, you need privacy. She projected her subjective truth to me as THE truth (objective truth) without thinking if that’s true for me.

How many times in our life did we project our subjective truth to others and expected them to see it as THE truth? We probably told our kids many truths we believed and they found out it’s not THE truth when they grow older. For example, we probably told them “if I can do it, you can do it" without thinking it could be not true.

Only when we can differentiate between a subjective truth and an objective truth, we can have clarity.

Life with clarity is a good one!

Leaders with clarity are the ones who can inpsire their people to do extraordinary things!

In “Clear Leadership”, Gervase R. Bushe shared four leadership skills. 1. Aware Self – the ability of observing and knowing one’s own experience; 2. Descriptive Self – the ability to describe one’s own experience so that others empathize with it; 3. Curious Self – the ability of getting others to describe their experience; 4. Appreciate Self – the ability to find the best in people and processes. A person who has these four skills can provide leadership when they do something that helps a group or organization to achieve its goals or increase its effectiveness.

Interesting enough, I have seen those four skills as the key skills for an effective coach.  I have been very intentionally working on mastering them. I can listen and hear my clients only when I master self awareness. I can understand my client’s experience only when I master the skill of reframing and curiosity with clarity. I can coach my clients to tab into their potential and eliminate interferences only when I master self awareness and  appreciative creativity and conversations.

Being an effective coach is like being an effective leader. My leadership coaching training has made me to be a stronger leader. It’s really interesting to see the relatedness between the two.

In the book of “It’s Not About The Coffee”, Starbucks Former President Howard Behar said “If you grow people, the people grow the business” He said “We are in the people business serving coffee, not the coffee business serving people”. So he built a people-centered organization.

Sometimes, when I talked corporation politics with my peers, I doubted if my leadership coaching philosophy would work in a big organization. When leaders are occupied by performance, people are often missed. “People come first” is my philosophy.

When I read this book and know there is a successful leader who shares the same philosophy of mine, I feel relieved and hopeful for my work. His ten principles of Personal Leadership are worth to read and reflect. I love the last one especially – Dare to dream! He said “Big dreams mean big goals, big hopes, big joys. Say yes, and enjoy all that you are doing, and help others to do the same.”

While I was in a leadership coaching training last year, a homework was given to ask us to choose a new physical activity. I chose swimming, even though I had always been afraid of the water. I had learned to do the backstroke years ago and I still didn't feel safe in the water. I wanted to be able to enjoy the water.

I checked out the pool in my gym. It was 4-feet deep over the entire length. I could stand up anytime. Rather than using chlorine, the pool used salt so I wouldn't get chlorine damage to my hair or skin. It's a perfect pool for me. When I started to practice, it was still quite a struggle. Emotionally, it took time to trust that I would be ok in the water. I kept going and it started to get easier and easier. After 5 months, I finally learned to relax in the water and was able to float. While floating, I feel like I am being hugged by the water. That's a wonderful feeling. I feel my body and the water become one.

Through this homework, I realized that when I let go of fear, I experienced freedom and joy. I learned that no one could have helped me to let go of fear. I had to be ready to do that. And there was no easy way to let go of fear. It took courage and persistence to get through it.

What fear in your life do you want to manage? Could it be a decision about a relationship? Could it be a conversation that needs to happen? A request?  An adventure? A truth to see? A truth to tell? Are you ready to do it?

We are living in a changing world. How to adapt changes is an important skill to learn.

Changes create a lot of stress. People react emotionally when under stress. If they have a constructive outlet for their emotions, they can be guided and learned from the experience.

In an organization, if leaders prepare their teams before a change happens, the stress can be reduced.  When people understand a change, they tend to see the possibility from the change and take it more positively.

When a change happens because of cutting cost, leaders need to be honest about it instead of sugar-coding it. This will build trust and set the model of taking accountability. Therefore, introducing changes is an art.

“The Change Cycle” written by Brock and Salerno teaches readers about six predictable and sequential stages. This model helps people understand what they out to expect, from themselves and others, as they move through each stage of the Chang Cycle.

When people decide to leave a relationship, they often say “we grew apart”.

It started to make more sense to me when I studied Stages of Development. Some people grow through different experiences and they move up to a later developmental stage every few years. Some people don’t have the capacity to learn and grow after certain stage. They stay in the same development stage for years. Growing apart becomes a natural process for many relationships.

When two organizations get merged, there are always conflicts because people are forced into working relationships without much training. Organizations have their own stage of development based on their leaders’ development stages. When merge happens, people need to learn to work together and it takes time and intentional effort. Leaders who can facilitate the learning usually can make the merge less painful. Leaders who can’t even grasp what’s happening would suffer with his/her team. Leadership coach can play an important role during this difficult time.

I had a surgery last month and have been recovering. Every day I feel better and the process took more time than I expected. It took some effort for me to adapt into a less energetic life. I listened to my body carefully and slowed down my pace accordingly. I wondered what the learning from the experience was.

People who know me often wonder what keep me on the go. Now, I know it’s my energy and my passion towards what I do. When I have passion without energy, I slow down. When I have energy without passion, I procrastinate. Body and mind are one. We can’t live our life without the alignment between the two. And it’s important to feed our body and mind with all of cares we can give to ourselves. It's easier said than done and I am doing it.

HsuanHua Chang, Life-balance coach

It's ThanksGiving. Here is my reflection. I am grateful for my health, my family, my friends,  my mentors, opportunities to learn and grows, opportunities to coach and develop others, the play ground that my work place provides, the technologies that keep people connected with each other and with the world, and the possibilities presented in front of me.

Hsuan Hua Chang, Leadership/Life Coach, www.coachseattle.com

I was changing in the gym and heard baby crying. I walked over and saw a chubby baby anxiously waiting for mom to nurse him. Mom was changing.  I bent down to greet him and he gave me the most cheerful smile. Then, he turned towards mom and cried for food. Quickly, he turned to me and gave me another big smile. I was delighted to know he could access his emotions so spontaneously. Were we all this way when we were 6-month old? We could access anger, anxiety, fear, sadness, joy and love easily since it was safe to do so. We were present to people in our life and we were present to our own needs.

When we grow up, we don’t feel safe to be in touch with certain emotions. We forget to be present to people around us and we don’t take care of our needs. We settle for many things. Then, we get enlightened. We decide to re-learn to be with ourselves and others as we did when we were babies. We call it “personal growth”.  Isn’t that an interesting process?

HsuanHua Chang, www.coachseattle.com

“Leaders cast a significant shadow in the organizations.” “Leaders reinforce their positive as well as negative traits by unconsciously rewarding some employee behaviors while discouraging or ignoring others.” “It takes great leaders to develop great leaders.” ~ The Extraordinary Leader by John Zenger & Joseph Folkman.

What hit me today was parents cast a significant shadow at home too. Like any other leader, we develop our kids as we develop ourselves. Our limitation would be our children’s limitation. And it takes great parents to develop great future parents.

“Superiors should think more consciously of the role they play in people’s lives and careers, and the legacy they will leave once they are gone.” ~ Extraordinary Leadership.

This statement makes the leadership coaching extremely meaningful and fulfilling for me. When I think the legacy I will  leave behind throuhg the work I do with the leaders and the contribution to the people they lead, I am inspired.

Hsuan-hua Chang; Certified Professioal Coach 

I am writing a paper for my Leadership Coaching Training in Georgetown University. I reflect the moments that I am the best of me (hero-in-victory) and the moments that I am the worst of me (hero-in-retreat). I examine the conditions that bring me to two different spaces and what emotions are triggered in me. I learn to shift from hero-in-retreat to hero-in-victory by self observation and self correction. When I master the shift, I would be a much better leader.

My upper management told me that they didn’t see the value of the training and I should take leadership training instead. On the contrary, I highly recommend leadership coaching for people who want to be better leaders. Through the training, not only do you become a better leader, but also you have better ability to develop others.

I walked out of my house and was very surprised to see how many flowers and plants sitting in my neighbor’s driveway.  “There are too many of them”, I told my daughter, “and it saves a lot of money to buy smaller plants and plant them apart so they have room to grow”.

A few hours later, a gardener planted them along the driveway They looked so beautiful that I started to see something I didn’t see before. My neighbor was looking for “immediate effect” as model homes.  There was no concern about saving money or maintenance. They live in a different world from me.

Let's call model home style "rich man" distinctions and mine “poor man” distinctions. Would I be a good coach coaching from my distinctions for clients who have "rich man" distinctions?

Quite a few leadership coaches claim that “you got to be a leader to be a leadership coach!." I am not sure if that’s the fact. And I do see that I can't coach my leader clients from "followers" distinctions. J

I called my daughter tonight despite the fact that she hasn’t returned my calls for weeks. Seeing parents losing their children in Virginia Tech, I feel fortunate that my kids are happy, healthy and fulfilling in their life. Losing my big brother when he was 24, I knew the pain of losing a young person in the family. I share the sorrow with the family for their loss.

President Bush said the dead were at the wrong place at the wrong time. How could college students be at the wrong place when they went to their class? What happened was a tragedy. I’d offer complimentary coaching to the families to support them through this difficult time.

Hsuan-hua Chang, Certified Professional Coach  hh@coachseattle.com

Leaders in a big organization don’t often get the nuance of what’s going on. How do they make decisions or evaluate the decisions made? I saw a function unit becoming a bottle neck in a big organization for a while and there was no solution to the problem. Maybe it’s not clear to the leader that the problem has been costing the organization. Maybe the leader doesn’t even know there has been a problem. The fact is that the leader is too isolated to handle a problem that his team is not able to handle. That’s a deadly place to be for a leader.

Hsuan-hua Chang, Leadership Coach

www.coachseattle.com

hh@coachseattle

Have you gone to a gym last week or this week? What did you see?

I saw people working hard on the mat, on the bikes and on the treadmills. I couldn’t even find a spot in my regular Yoga class. I was inspired by the New Year energy. At the same time, I can’t stop thinking - how many of them will continue to come throughout the year?

How could you make the New Year Resolution last? You got to know your brains better. New Year resolution is initiated by our Cognitive brain (cortical), that exercises awareness, short term memory, reflection, planning and decisions. And a lasting habit stays in our  emotional brain (limbic), which is in touch with our emotions, long term memory, and attention.

Life coaching works with the emotional brain to grow emotional intelligence. Through coaching, limbic starts to take changes into long term memory and habits are formed.  

A wise thing to do in new year is to hire a life coach to develop a new habit!

Hsuan-hua Chang, Certified Professional Coach  www.coachseattle.com